


Prankster's Gambit

by DaneelsSoul



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Gen, Pranks
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-19
Updated: 2015-02-19
Packaged: 2018-03-13 18:33:47
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,353
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3391955
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DaneelsSoul/pseuds/DaneelsSoul
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Post-game John tries to prank Rose again, and finds surprising a Seer of Light to be more difficult than he would like.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Prankster's Gambit

**Author's Note:**

> Gambit (n.) - an opening in a game of chess where a player makes a sacrifice of some material in exchange for some compensatory advantage.

Your name is JOHN EGBERT and today is a big day for you. You and your friends recently finished playing a vast and WORLD CHANGING video game. With everything that has been going on, there hasn't really been time to catch up, especially with the ones that you've been separated from for THREE WHOLE YEARS. But today will change all of that. You are holding a party for all your old BEST BUDS. There will be food and laughter and movies and other goods times. Plus, the party will be a good opportunity for you to execute some of your CLASSIC PRANKS on your friends. You had better start making some preparations. Your friends will be here in a few hours. You can hardly wait until you get to be future-you.

=> Be future John

You are future John and the party has barely started, but this has not stopped you from getting an early start with some of your sweet pranks. You've already gotten Jade to chase your plastic cat on a remote control car setup around the room, and managed to sneak a "kick me" sign onto Dave's back. You wonder how long it's going to take for him to notice.

Unfortunately, Rose has yet to show up. This is particularly disappointing, since you've had plenty of time to spend with Jade and Davesprite (who is almost as good as the original) over the past three years, you've barely had a chance to talk to Rose at all. And definitely no pranks. Not since the whole bucket on the door setup all those years ago. Hehehe. Classic.

Finally the turn of the doorknob and the creak of hinges announce Rose’s arrival. You hurry over to the doorway to greet your friend. You find her at the door, removing her jacket. She smiles upon seeing you and greats you.

“Hello John. My sincerest apologies for my tardiness. I was delayed by the need to-“

Rose is interrupted by Dave and Jade rushing up to meet her. You take advantage of her momentary distraction to slip the recently acquired joy buzzer into your hand. This is going to be sooo good. As Dave and Jade are finishing up with Rose, you head over to greet her, arm outstretched. She grins back and approaches you, slipping past your readied hand and moving in for a hug. Your surprise is only momentary, and you quickly return the hug. It’s so nice to see your friend again that you can almost ignore the slight disappointment about your foiled plans. Oh well, you’ll just need to come up with a new prank later.

=> John, come up with a new prank

It’s a couple of days after the party before you have a new prank planned, but this one is a doozy. You’ve discovered the alchemizer code for a pressurized bottle of ectogoo that explodes almost immediately after being created. All you need to do is to get Rose to produce it and you’re set. You log onto pesterchum, ready to work your magic.

\-- ectoBiologist [EB] began pestering tentacleTherapist [TT] --  
EB: rose, rose, rose!   
TT: Is this redundancy on your part merely a mechanism to express enthusiasm, or is the three-fold repetition of my name intended as part of a summoning incantation?  
EB: well, uh, i just wanted to tell you about this super cool alchemizer formula i found. but i guess if you want to turn it into a whole wizardy thing…  
TT: Very well. I suppose that you have my attention in any case. What new device have you determined how to manufacture this time?  
EB: no no no. you have got to check it out for yourself. the code is SPLORTCH.  
TT: …  
TT: John, this wouldn’t happen to be some sort of exploding goo bomb sent to me as part of a childish antic, would it?  
EB: that’s very, uh, specific rose. what makes you think that?  
TT: John I am a Seer of Light. This means I can tell which actions will get me peacefully through my day and which will force me to spend it cleaning ectogoo off my walls.  
EB: really? i thought your light powers were only good, for uh, you know, important stuff.  
TT: No. My powers extend well into the realm of the mundane. Face it John, you have no hope to best me. When it comes to evading childish pranks, I am quite simply the best there is.  
EB: we’ll see about that. you have yet to face to full force of my mighty pranking mastery.  
\-- ectoBiologist [EB] ceased pestering tentacleTherapist [TT] --

=> Weeks in the future, but not many

Your name is John Egbert and you are getting frustrated. Rose has somehow managed to consistently evade your various jests over the past weeks. You’ve tried swapping out her wizard fanfic journal with a parody. You’ve tried filling her room with packing peanuts. You even tried recruiting Kanaya to help you out. But every time Rose managed to anticipate your plans and evade them. But today you will finally get her.

You’ve done nothing to Rose for the past week. Partly to lull her into a false sense of security, but mostly because you’ve been plotting. The plan is to overwhelm her Seer powers and finally catch her. To that end you’ve assembled a list of a bunch of your best material. You then randomly selected twenty pranks from that list. Now while Rose is out of the house having lunch with Roxy, you have time to sneak into her house and set things up.

You are just finishing setting up the last bucket of water over the door, when you hear the sounds of Rose returning. You quickly hide as you hear Rose walking around her house. You follow at a distance as she makes her way up the stairs (somehow managing to avoid the tripwires that you placed there), and opens to door to her room (without setting off the air horn on the other side). She closes the door behind her and you stop to consider how to best keep tabs on her progress without being seen. You are still puzzling over this dilemma when you hear a shriek coming from her room. You bust in to see Rose standing stunned by her closet door, having just released the flurry of spring loaded plastic snakes that you set up there.

You let out a cry of joy having finally bested her. Rose turns towards you and the look on her face is absolutely priceless! After weeks of frustration you finally managed to prove that you could prank even the Seer of Light! After a brief round of gloating you finally leave Rose with that great look of shock on her face. You leave the house with a great sense of relief. You finally did it. Now you can finally move onto other things. And oh man, would you hate to be Rose right now.

=> Be Rose You are Rose Lalonde

You are standing in your room surveying the damage. All in all, one of the easier pranks to clean up. That is of course the reason why you chose that particular one to trigger. Once your friend is well away, you drop the alarmed facade and allow yourself a small smirk. You are quite pleased with the effect of your acting skills throughout this recent charade. John definitely appeared to be quite please with his ability to finally pull one over on you, which suits your purposes very well. While on the one hand, your act provided some much needed catharsis for your dear friend, perhaps more significantly it means that he will no longer feel the need to prove his superiority over you with more such schemes. By appearing to fall prey to one strategically chosen prank you have saved yourself the months of hassle required to evade his ever more desperate attempts. You sigh as you begin to go about the business of disarming the various traps littered about your home. All things considered though, you consider your gambit to have been an astounding success.


End file.
